Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
