She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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