the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
