my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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