He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
