Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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