I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
