but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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