with your own penis?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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