Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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