Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
