he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
