It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
