im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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