You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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