I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
