i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
