i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
