He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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