he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
