I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
