Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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