I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
