Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Who died my cat blue again?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
