dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
