What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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