just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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