girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
