Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
