I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
