Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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