No awkward lesbian experiences without me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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