are you still at the devil's house?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
