Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
