Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
