Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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