I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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