you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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