would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize