I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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