idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
