3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
