oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
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I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
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I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
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