AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
