happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
