SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
