whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
