i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
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i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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