I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
