he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
