Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
