My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
