seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
