But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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