so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So apparently I’m into choking now
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