Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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