You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
