in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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