I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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