I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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