Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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