We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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