Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
