dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
