come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
