someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
