Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
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we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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