My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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