I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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