He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
