This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
