when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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