I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize