forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
