you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
