Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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