Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
