so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
