apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
