he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
